I feel quite comfortable knowing that no one comes to my blog to read. I can write calmer in this way maybe though I feel that I do not have much to share anyway.
I believe that what they say is true. The more you earn the more wants that you think you need and the more what your drawing down every month does not seem enough..
I've more or less decided that Bangkok would be the place I would like to visit this year though I have yet to make any plans to book any tickets or accomodation. I think that since I'm going to be going alone I can just hop on the next plane out of there the month itself that I would be having my compulsory week-long leave , though it might be a bit expensive to do that. But anyway it should be ok. I shouldn't start to plan until someone tells me they aren't following anyway. So i'll just wait for a while and do some researching for the moment.
I need a camera and a travel bag. I am not sure if I should buy them or just borrow them from people as this isn't like the start of a for-certain-more-to-come-adventurous-future for me. Though I hope it would, sometimes it isnt wise to spend too much preparing for a hobby that is expensive. I still have quite some nagging problems that I can only settle by July, thats eating a bit on my money, but my situation is definitely better than the past 1 and a half years.
I'm quite eager for this month end's trip to KKB to happen soon. I look forward to experiencing the place with higher water levels. My first time there was nice but nothing spectacular cos the levels were quite low due to sudden dry weather. Finger's crossed that this time would be better.
I still remember a someone who told me before that blogging is kind of stupid, telling ppl how you feel and all. But I think its quite therapeutic to do this, and its harmless. You don't eat up people's time and people who read tend to listen. The downside is of course, you don't get to choose your listeners. But mine is ok. Its deserted enough for me to feel very comfortable.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 07, 2009
7th March 2009
Its 2009 March already.. a quarter of the year. So damn fast..
Work has been going fine at the moment and I've been quite lucky. Just wondering how long the luck would last.
The past 3 months have been quite a difficult time with many things to think about. Outside of work life has just been.. stagnant .. maybe to the point of going backwards a bit.
I guess sometimes when i look around .. the people who know me the most and understand me turns out to be those who i know relatively most recently. I cant help but have the feeling that only a handful of those who I've know since school days actually understand me...
Maybe I changed.. or maybe I didn't change and became stagnant. Or maybe everybody just has their own worries and problems and we just shut ourselves off from trying to know people. Just trying to find someone to release all our problems into and just hope they would listen and we dont have to listen back.
Or maybe I am just quite such a boring person that out of work I don't have anything to look forward to - no outings, no activities, no trips - just simply because I cant find anyone to agree to do anything with.
I sometimes try too hard to help people's lives (non-family) who I feel that I care about - maybe they just don't need it or don't want it. Maybe I'm just trying too hard about it. In the end maybe what someone said was true, that it can only hurt myself.
I guess life is to be lived for myself at the moment. I'm gonna just try to live for myself until someone wants to live for me I guess. I'm just so very tired. I just want to live for myself now that I have some small means for doing so.
I realize more and more that its just not worth it to be nice to people who take you for granted when you are nice to them. Its just ironic that the majority of your friends, the people who value your friendship the most, are the ones that you get to know so recently. Or maybe my life is just that sad and the problem is with me and not others. I don't know. I just want to live and breath for myself now.
Gonna register for the wall climbing package I've always said I would do... Gonna get my passport made and pick a place to back pack alone, to hell with whether anyone is interested in following or not. My life is not to be wasted to wallow at loneliness.
I take solace in knowing that I still have people who know who I am and how I am other than just my name, where i come from and superficial things. I take solace in knowing that they know the kind of person I really am and cherish what we do and how we understand each other and how our every conversation and outing makes us understand and share each other's problems and joys and success and failures better. To the people who know me like that and in which I am priviledged to know them for their stories, I feel it is the most satisfying of all.
Its the feeling of being true.
Work has been going fine at the moment and I've been quite lucky. Just wondering how long the luck would last.
The past 3 months have been quite a difficult time with many things to think about. Outside of work life has just been.. stagnant .. maybe to the point of going backwards a bit.
I guess sometimes when i look around .. the people who know me the most and understand me turns out to be those who i know relatively most recently. I cant help but have the feeling that only a handful of those who I've know since school days actually understand me...
Maybe I changed.. or maybe I didn't change and became stagnant. Or maybe everybody just has their own worries and problems and we just shut ourselves off from trying to know people. Just trying to find someone to release all our problems into and just hope they would listen and we dont have to listen back.
Or maybe I am just quite such a boring person that out of work I don't have anything to look forward to - no outings, no activities, no trips - just simply because I cant find anyone to agree to do anything with.
I sometimes try too hard to help people's lives (non-family) who I feel that I care about - maybe they just don't need it or don't want it. Maybe I'm just trying too hard about it. In the end maybe what someone said was true, that it can only hurt myself.
I guess life is to be lived for myself at the moment. I'm gonna just try to live for myself until someone wants to live for me I guess. I'm just so very tired. I just want to live for myself now that I have some small means for doing so.
I realize more and more that its just not worth it to be nice to people who take you for granted when you are nice to them. Its just ironic that the majority of your friends, the people who value your friendship the most, are the ones that you get to know so recently. Or maybe my life is just that sad and the problem is with me and not others. I don't know. I just want to live and breath for myself now.
Gonna register for the wall climbing package I've always said I would do... Gonna get my passport made and pick a place to back pack alone, to hell with whether anyone is interested in following or not. My life is not to be wasted to wallow at loneliness.
I take solace in knowing that I still have people who know who I am and how I am other than just my name, where i come from and superficial things. I take solace in knowing that they know the kind of person I really am and cherish what we do and how we understand each other and how our every conversation and outing makes us understand and share each other's problems and joys and success and failures better. To the people who know me like that and in which I am priviledged to know them for their stories, I feel it is the most satisfying of all.
Its the feeling of being true.
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